I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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