I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
