And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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