Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
