So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
