My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
