Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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