i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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