Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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