don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
