Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
