Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
