My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Even my vagina gasped.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
