My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
