I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
