There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
