I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
