she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
