Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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