i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
