I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
