Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i now understand why vodka
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
