Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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