Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A+ Viking dick
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
