I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
