there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
