I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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