No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
