You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
