Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
