it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
