Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
