I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
