He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
