I heard we made out
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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