No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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