ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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