I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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