You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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