John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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