i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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