plz talk dirty to me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
