We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Randomize
