hell yes lets make some ravioli
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
