just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
