dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
