his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
