elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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