3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Its about making memories worth repressing
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
