I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
