Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
