you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
