Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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