Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
