Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
