YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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