I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
