I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
