I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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