So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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