there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it glows. i had to have it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
