I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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