I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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