I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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