Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
