names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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