Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Holy shit dude........stairs
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