I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
