Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
