Your mouth is God's brothel.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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